Picture it: Monaco, circa June, 2010. To my left, a pair of built-like-a-brick house bodyguards with curled lips and dead eyes that clearly tell you a hypothetical encounter with a sabre-toothed tiger would see the animal coming off second best.
To my right, a buxom bottle-blonde nipped, tucked and plucked to within an inch of her Hulk Hogan-like looks, clad in a luminous white PVC slip of a dress.
Between them, two stalwarts of the rap world, standing shoulder to shoulder.
And so began the clash of the single-initial-name titans, the meeting of two ice-cool characters...
As the man credited with inventing gangster rap, it's fitting that Ice T should have made his appearance at the recent 50th Monte Carlo Television Festival flanked by his "one plastic surgery too many" wife, while sporting the customary baggy pants, a mine's-worth of bling and the archetypal "whad up" vocab.
But it was fellow music icon, LL Cool J, who raised many a goosebump among the throng of fans and members of the international media at the festival.
No stranger to acting either, Cool J (whose guest appearance on House three years ago marked his transition into television, after starring in more than 30 films alongside the showbiz ilk of Al Pacino and Morgan Freeman) can currently be seen on NCIS: Los Angeles - the first, and to date only, spin-off of the popular NCIS procedural show.
The rapper-turned-actor's role as Special Agent Sam Hanna, an ex-Navy SEAL considered an expert on Middle Eastern culture, is far removed from the real-life roots of this Big Apple-born personality.
Aged just four, he witnessed his father shoot his mother and grandfather. Thankfully, not fatally, but it marked the first of many traumatic incidents of a childhood spent on some of New York City's most dangerous streets.
Not that Cool J (whose real name - James Todd Smith - is a far cry from his "Ladies Love Cool J" gangsta moniker) is one to indulge in self-pity:
"I'm not trying to position myself as someone who walks around cryin' about what I've been through; I'm just trying to maximise my potential because, as much as I have been through, there are always people who have been through more," he tells our four-man Round Table panel, while yours truly desperately tries not to dwell on the fact that the man's bicep is bigger than my thigh and the quantity of "ice" on his fingers could induce instant blindness.
Despite his extensive on-screen credentials, Todd (as he prefers to be known when not in the public eye), never had a particular interest in acting. Rather, it's a branch of the entertainment industry into which he naturally evolved.
"Rap and hip hop already has a lot of acting in it... You have to create a character to make it in those 'hoods; you're constantly acting your way out of a bad situation," explains the larger-than-life personality who, these days, finds himself dabbling in fashion design as well.
"The Hummers, the grills, the flashy Rolexs... that's all a by-product of growing up with nothing and trying to front like a part of you won't always belong in the projects..."
On the subject of "fronting", Cool J has faced criticism from his Def Jam colleagues for what they deem his "betrayal" of his hip hop roots and career actors who ostensibly feel he's encroaching on their territory.
But, if the father of four were in the habit of allowing other people's opinions to dictate his decisions, he would have long since landed up as another "kid from a tough neighbourhood" statistic.
"Yeah, I've been hearing whispers about people saying: 'Oh, here comes the rapper who thinks he can act', but I can't concern myself with what other people are talking about. You gotta focus on the goals, not the challenges."
And with that, Cool J's human pitbulls make it known that the time's come for the constant-cap-donning personality to take his leave and head back to the "VVIPS Only" balcony.
NCIS: Los Angeles premiered on M-Net last week and airs Wednes-days at 8.30pm.
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