When Amor Vittone met Joost van der Westhuizen, it was "love at first sight". But in August, Vittone hit rock bottom.
That was when her husband confessed to her he was the man in the sex video that hit the headlines in February.
"I was completely shocked. When (Joost) told me, I was busy cooking. I wanted to hit him. My heart had been ripped out. I turned around, looked at him and said, 'I trusted you'."
But it was not until this past weekend that Van der Westhuizen publicly admitted to being the man in the grainy 2006 video, taking drugs and dallying with exotic dancer Marlize van Emmenis, now 24.
Vittone was "shocked" and "disappointed" in her husband, as he had assured her repeatedly that the video was not of him.
Even after he collapsed because of stress (after watching a rugby test at Loftus Versveld) she asked, but he denied it.
"He was in hospital. The first thing I asked him when he opened his eyes was: 'Joost, are you sure it is not you in the video?'
"I kept asking: 'Are you sure? Are you sure?' He kept saying: 'It is not me. It is not me.' "
After this, Vittone told Darren Scott on Jacaranda 94.2's Just Plain Breakfast yesterday, she did not speak to Van der Westhuizen for three days.
"I was not a mother any more. Not a wife. I would try to do things to keep my mind off what he told me. It was the most lonesome time of my life," she said.
Vittone was emotional during the interview, but expressed support for her husband.
"What Joost did was wrong. All of us make mistakes and I feel sorry for him. I do still love him," she said, adding that she would "stand by her man" as she had "promised" him on their wedding day.
Vittone said she had not watched the video before he told her the truth.
"I never wanted to watch the video, but after he told me it was him, I looked at it. But I was already dead. I felt like I had died a million deaths when I saw it. I have stopped trusting people as a result of this. At the end of the day, you do not know what to believe any more."
About having been lied to by Van der Westhuizen and believing him, Vittone said: "It is difficult to shake off that anger and shock. I really believed him when he told me it was not him. Although he has apologised, there is still anger in me."
Vittone said that "like all women", something told her to look further than what he had told her.
"People came up to me and asked if I believe my husband is fully trustworthy.
"Previous rumours made me wonder. There was an uneasiness within me."
Vittone said deep inside she wanted to forgive Van der Westhuizen, but forgetting what he had put her through would be a big challenge.
"There are still many days where I cannot get out of bed. Sometimes I just want to climb into a hole, close the door, and cry.
"What happened was not okay. I do not know whether things will ever be 100 percent okay again.
"Physically and emotionally, I am tired. I am drained."
Vittone denied rumours that she and her husband were sleeping in separate rooms.
"We are in the same room. He has not moved out and I have not asked him to move out, although I have thought of taking a break with our relationship. At this stage our relationship is very strained. We are not talking about feelings or stuff like that, but more about how to ward off the media."
Vittone said she and her husband were doing their best to protect their children, Jordan, five, and Kylie, three, from the controversy.
"What do you tell your children when they ask you, 'Mommy, why are you crying?' How do you explain something like this to your kids?
"You get irritated with them and tell them to stop irritating you. But it is not their fault. It is not them.
"We don't let newspapers or magazines lie around the house. Although they are not familiar with words, they can see the pictures."
Vittone could not say what the future held, but reaffirmed that she was going "to give 110 percent of myself to rebuild our relationship".
"I'm trying to find the positive in the situation. I'm trying to learn from it. All Joost and I now need is time. This is our time and people should know this and respect this."
This article was originally published in The Pretoria News on November 04, 2009
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